Veterans’ Tales by Allen Ness (@nessaTMR)

August 18, 2003

Uncle Hank,

Before Sarnt Spear left for the leader’s recon he gave a warning order, get everything ready to roll tonight at O’dark thirty.  Of course he added, “I wanna be able to look at the trucks before dark, me and the LT’s shit is packed, put it on the trucks.”  He’s got a serious pet-peeve with load plans.  Every truck has to be exactly like the others, f*ck its a pain in the ass but Sarnt Spear is a master of being a pain in the ass, he lives for it.

So him and the LT got back about 1600, they said some idiot shot at the helicopter they were in from his front yard.  Sarnt Spear thought it was f*cked up they didn’t shoot back, I agree.  Aviators are pussies though.

He went through the trucks with all of us standing behind them at a rigid position of parade rest, he likes to think he’s still on the trail sometimes.  He also has a reputation for tearing the trucks up somethin fierce.  The Load Plan is one of his many pet-peeves, one of the worst, you’d rather put your beret on backwards than screw up the load plan.  All he did was walk thru, ask a few questions, where’s the new night sights?  Then he says “Jonsey, get me 100 rounds of .50 cal from truck number two.  Terell, get me 100 rounds of 40 mike mike from gun four.”  The named soldiers looked around confused then burst into motion, simultaneously we heard, “Take your mother f*ckin time turbo, I ain’t got nothin better to do.”  Feet pounded across the sand.  “Awright turbos, put that shit back, good job.  Y’all are actually ready, we’ll kick some ass tonight.”  What the f*ck?  I ain’t never seen no shit like that, even the Squad Leaders are wonderin if it’s actually SFC Spear.  LOL, I heard ‘im talkin with the LT, he said the Squad Leaders are actually men now and need to be treated as such, he planned this shit hours before the inspection.  Uncle Hank, he’s got us right where he wants us[…]

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